Sweet Dreams and Stuff
I'm not a perfect mom. I think if you talk to any of us in the mom club we'd all have to admit we're not perfect, even the really annoyingly close to perfect moms that find time in the day to put 3 actual cooked meals on the table, find educational but fun activities to do with their babies in between shuffling laundry and keeping the house clean and still have time to put themselves together and see adult sized people during social engagements that don't include bumping into someone while frantically trying to get groceries and head to the bank and making it back home before the other childs bus gets to the house after school. That might have veered slightly towards my own guilty feelings about my lackluster skills as mom of the year.
There's a lot of things I don't do.
I don't get family portraits done, not in the going to a portrait studio or hiring a photographer kind of way at least, I never really understood the point in it. I love having pictures I love taking pictures but growing up we never really did the portraits thing and I guess I don't really see the need to have them done either now that I'm parent. But everyone else seems to do it, and I'm not knocking it, I'm a firm believer in doing the things that make you happy. I guess to me my idea of having family pictures is more about capturing the moments that meant something to me in that moment and not trying to create a fake moment so I can hang it on the wall, or try to get someone to make it look like we had a moment... but at the same time I do always love the pictures I see people put up, I just can't see myself being in one of them, I'll just say it here, I have a terrible fake smile. So there's that. Not a portrait mom.
I don't make awesome home-cooked meals, although I am working on that (I've recently become absolutely obsessed with Ree Drummond). I'm not a great cook. I'm not one of those people who just walked into the kitchen and knew what would go with what and how to make this or that. My cupcakes are not perfect, I cannot perfectly frost a cookie, sometimes my chicken and roast is really dry, and sometimes I let the macaroni noodles boil too long, but I'm working on it that is actually one of my goals. I want to have a whole arsenal of things I can cook awesomely... other than buffalo chicken dip because that I have down to an art form my friend. I do try very hard to make sure that we all sit down and eat together when I can though. That was one thing we always did growing up. Even if it was in front of the TV, we all ate together, and that is one thing I will not give up, although I am working on making sure this family together happens a tad earlier... we were eating at like 7 or 8 at night for awhile there and with Kenzie's bedtime being 9:30... well, lets just say it works out much better when I manage to get dinner on the table by 6, but there you have it; not a chef mom.
I don't have my house in order. Not in an organized way. No one that visits us would ever accuse me of being an organized individual, there is stuff everywhere 100% of the time. I don't mind doing laundry but I loathe putting away clothes so there is an ever present mountain of baskets in our bedroom that I hide from company with my cunning talent of knowing how to close the door. I tell myself every day that this will be the day I tackle clothes mountain. Basket by basket I will organize, put away, or toss out the clothes and we will eventually be able to open the closet door in our room again. We have a breakfast bar that is lovely and has lots of what could be useful counter space if it wasn't being taken up with a whole heap of stuff that I don't know where else to put. Things like that. Not an organized mom (although I should note here that I am super good at adding home organization pins to my pinterest board).
We're not rich, we don't take vacations or buy all the trendy toys, we don't have brand new vehicles or a huge house (although we do have a pretty sizable chunk of land around our house, especially for first time homeowners). I can't buy Kenzie every single thing she looks sideways at the store, and now that I'm not working for a while, that is not going to change anytime soon. Unless that lottery thing finally works out for us, but I hear there's a better shot of that happening if you actually buy a ticket. Not moneybags mom.
It's not just about the stuff I don't do, there's things I do that I wish I didn't. I yell. I lose my temper. I sleep too late. I get lazy. I say too much, I don't say enough, I say the complete wrong words in the complete wrong tone, and I get emotional. All of these things put me pretty squarely in the not making mom of the year this time around category.
I kind of think that's ok though. Not that I'm mediocre, I do wish I was a better mom in lots of aspects and will continue trying to be so, but at the end of the day my kids go to sleep happy. I tuck my daughter in every night, I give her kisses and hugs even though sometimes by the time I make it in to her room she's already asleep, I still fix the blankets around her and make sure she's snuggled in, give her a kiss and a hug, and tell her I love her and to have sweet dreams and stuff. I take one last look at my little girl at the end of every day because I think that's important. She got so big so fast. She's always been my little mini me, but when we came home with Connor it became very apparent just how little she's not anymore. I know she's only 6 but I still am absolutely floored by how big she's gotten. Everything about her seems huge in comparison to my little stinker and I guess I didn't realize it was happening until we brought home something even smaller than her. I don't have a little baby girl anymore I have a little girl, one that is trying very hard to figure out her role in this world now and gets more and more curious about the things around her and the words she hears and the things she sees and so I think it's important that she knows, no matter what else happened during the day... even if she didn't get something she wanted or I was too busy with day to day nonsense to sit down and play when she wanted me to or she got hollered at for doing something she knew she shouldn't, she smiles when she goes to sleep at night and she always kisses me back and hugs me too tight and says sweet dreams and stuff and she loves me too. Another goal for this year, (other than improved cooking skills) I want to spend more time with my kids. Not just being at home with them, actual time with them. Playing dolls with Kenzie and setting up legos with her, reading stories and writing letters with her. I want to watch Connor absorb all the new things he sees and hears and smells and learns every day, I want it to always be enough when he wakes up in the middle of the night and sees me come into the room and feel my hand on his chest and know its ok to go back to sleep with that little smile he gets when I lean in and give him a little kiss and whisper sweet dreams and stuff. I want to loosen up a little, make messes and not sweat it, watch a movie with her and answer all her questions during it without shushing her, anything else I say after that would end up falling back in the making messes and not sweating it category so I guess I'll end that there, and I think I've made my point anyway. Maybe. I'm not sure what my point was anymore. Blog therapy I guess. Just had some stuff on my mind and needed to get it out.
I'm working on the things I don't like about myself, some of it can be changed, some of it's just who I am.
I realize I never posted my resolutions, but there are 2 of them in this blog and I think they're the 2 I care about. Most people would acknowledge that not letting my family starve or eat gruel and frozen pizzas every night is an admirable goal as is wanting to spend more quality time with my kids and not just spend all my time taking care of them... there can be a difference and if you're not careful you'll spend all your time doing one and not the other and then one day they're grown and... well I'm sure most of us have heard the cat in the cradle song.
Have a great night everyone, here's some flashbacks from when Kenzie was 3.
There's a lot of things I don't do.
I don't get family portraits done, not in the going to a portrait studio or hiring a photographer kind of way at least, I never really understood the point in it. I love having pictures I love taking pictures but growing up we never really did the portraits thing and I guess I don't really see the need to have them done either now that I'm parent. But everyone else seems to do it, and I'm not knocking it, I'm a firm believer in doing the things that make you happy. I guess to me my idea of having family pictures is more about capturing the moments that meant something to me in that moment and not trying to create a fake moment so I can hang it on the wall, or try to get someone to make it look like we had a moment... but at the same time I do always love the pictures I see people put up, I just can't see myself being in one of them, I'll just say it here, I have a terrible fake smile. So there's that. Not a portrait mom.
I don't make awesome home-cooked meals, although I am working on that (I've recently become absolutely obsessed with Ree Drummond). I'm not a great cook. I'm not one of those people who just walked into the kitchen and knew what would go with what and how to make this or that. My cupcakes are not perfect, I cannot perfectly frost a cookie, sometimes my chicken and roast is really dry, and sometimes I let the macaroni noodles boil too long, but I'm working on it that is actually one of my goals. I want to have a whole arsenal of things I can cook awesomely... other than buffalo chicken dip because that I have down to an art form my friend. I do try very hard to make sure that we all sit down and eat together when I can though. That was one thing we always did growing up. Even if it was in front of the TV, we all ate together, and that is one thing I will not give up, although I am working on making sure this family together happens a tad earlier... we were eating at like 7 or 8 at night for awhile there and with Kenzie's bedtime being 9:30... well, lets just say it works out much better when I manage to get dinner on the table by 6, but there you have it; not a chef mom.
I don't have my house in order. Not in an organized way. No one that visits us would ever accuse me of being an organized individual, there is stuff everywhere 100% of the time. I don't mind doing laundry but I loathe putting away clothes so there is an ever present mountain of baskets in our bedroom that I hide from company with my cunning talent of knowing how to close the door. I tell myself every day that this will be the day I tackle clothes mountain. Basket by basket I will organize, put away, or toss out the clothes and we will eventually be able to open the closet door in our room again. We have a breakfast bar that is lovely and has lots of what could be useful counter space if it wasn't being taken up with a whole heap of stuff that I don't know where else to put. Things like that. Not an organized mom (although I should note here that I am super good at adding home organization pins to my pinterest board).
We're not rich, we don't take vacations or buy all the trendy toys, we don't have brand new vehicles or a huge house (although we do have a pretty sizable chunk of land around our house, especially for first time homeowners). I can't buy Kenzie every single thing she looks sideways at the store, and now that I'm not working for a while, that is not going to change anytime soon. Unless that lottery thing finally works out for us, but I hear there's a better shot of that happening if you actually buy a ticket. Not moneybags mom.
It's not just about the stuff I don't do, there's things I do that I wish I didn't. I yell. I lose my temper. I sleep too late. I get lazy. I say too much, I don't say enough, I say the complete wrong words in the complete wrong tone, and I get emotional. All of these things put me pretty squarely in the not making mom of the year this time around category.
I kind of think that's ok though. Not that I'm mediocre, I do wish I was a better mom in lots of aspects and will continue trying to be so, but at the end of the day my kids go to sleep happy. I tuck my daughter in every night, I give her kisses and hugs even though sometimes by the time I make it in to her room she's already asleep, I still fix the blankets around her and make sure she's snuggled in, give her a kiss and a hug, and tell her I love her and to have sweet dreams and stuff. I take one last look at my little girl at the end of every day because I think that's important. She got so big so fast. She's always been my little mini me, but when we came home with Connor it became very apparent just how little she's not anymore. I know she's only 6 but I still am absolutely floored by how big she's gotten. Everything about her seems huge in comparison to my little stinker and I guess I didn't realize it was happening until we brought home something even smaller than her. I don't have a little baby girl anymore I have a little girl, one that is trying very hard to figure out her role in this world now and gets more and more curious about the things around her and the words she hears and the things she sees and so I think it's important that she knows, no matter what else happened during the day... even if she didn't get something she wanted or I was too busy with day to day nonsense to sit down and play when she wanted me to or she got hollered at for doing something she knew she shouldn't, she smiles when she goes to sleep at night and she always kisses me back and hugs me too tight and says sweet dreams and stuff and she loves me too. Another goal for this year, (other than improved cooking skills) I want to spend more time with my kids. Not just being at home with them, actual time with them. Playing dolls with Kenzie and setting up legos with her, reading stories and writing letters with her. I want to watch Connor absorb all the new things he sees and hears and smells and learns every day, I want it to always be enough when he wakes up in the middle of the night and sees me come into the room and feel my hand on his chest and know its ok to go back to sleep with that little smile he gets when I lean in and give him a little kiss and whisper sweet dreams and stuff. I want to loosen up a little, make messes and not sweat it, watch a movie with her and answer all her questions during it without shushing her, anything else I say after that would end up falling back in the making messes and not sweating it category so I guess I'll end that there, and I think I've made my point anyway. Maybe. I'm not sure what my point was anymore. Blog therapy I guess. Just had some stuff on my mind and needed to get it out.
I'm working on the things I don't like about myself, some of it can be changed, some of it's just who I am.
I realize I never posted my resolutions, but there are 2 of them in this blog and I think they're the 2 I care about. Most people would acknowledge that not letting my family starve or eat gruel and frozen pizzas every night is an admirable goal as is wanting to spend more quality time with my kids and not just spend all my time taking care of them... there can be a difference and if you're not careful you'll spend all your time doing one and not the other and then one day they're grown and... well I'm sure most of us have heard the cat in the cradle song.
Have a great night everyone, here's some flashbacks from when Kenzie was 3.