You only miss the sun when it starts to snow
I love this song. It's kinda sad it's true if you listen to the lyrics but it's also kind of how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong please, I'm not about to go all Emo, I have a lot to be happy about that I AM happy about, I've never been or felt so happy and lucky in a relationship, Mike is the mac to my cheese, the milk to my oreos, I love him in a way I know is completely real and strong and lasting, he saw amazing things in me at a point in my life where I'd never felt lower and forgave all the stupid mistakes and ridiculous habits I tried to hold on to out of pure stubborness and showed me that underneath all that I was still in there, and that what was in there was good. My daughter is the sun my whole world revolves around and like the sun she brightens every second of my life and warms my heart. Being her mom has made me a better person because I want to be better for her, I want everything for her, I found myself to be way more capable than I ever knew thanks to her because failing my daughter is just not an option and I owe her the very best life for the love she's taught me.
I'm so excited for my little families next big adventure with baby Vose, after trying for a while, finally getting to hear the news we'd been dying to hear was overwhelmingly the greatest thing I'd heard in a long time. And my pregnancy thus far is proving to be a complicated one medically, but we are thinking happy thoughts and I have a lot of doctors doing everything they can to help us which is very reassuring. ..
But it is the backbone of why I said this song described kinda how I feel right now. I've never been sick, not this kind of sick anyway. I've never felt more useless, or pathetic. I manage to go work, I manage to make sure for the most part mike and kenzie get fed and then I become useless. I hurt. It hurts to do a lot of things, even just taking a deep breath and it completely wipes me out. And I feel like a wuss just saying that. I just want to feel better, I want to enjoy my pregnancy and my family and my life, and I feel like I took silly stuff for granted without even realizing it before this started happened. Being able to hang out with my friends comfortably, not being scared to eat food, eating more than bird sized portions when I finally do eat, being able to sleep in our bed, not doubling over in pain anytime I sneeze or hiccup, getting through a whole day of work comfortably that I'd normally be dying to get over with.. lots of little things that have a huge impact on life. Indeed, it has gotten that bad, I have a lot of stones and several of them are blocking ducts making it painful almost as soon as I even swallow a bite, and it's causing other infections to pop up and if it's not one pain it's another, I got a call from the doc office today and now I'm about to start my 3rd course of a whole new antibiotic because of another infection they found . Sigh. So enough of the poor me, like I said before I have a lot that I am happy about, I'm just not good at being sick and feeling this way, it's got me feeling kind of down, I'm so excited for our baby and I so just want to enjoy the next 7 months and the feeling of being pregnant, not just try to get through each day. I can't wait for my consult next Wednesday, I hope it goes the way we want it to, my doctor seems fairly confident it will... happy thoughts. Happy thoughts happy thoughts.